It's not about perfection....

One of the hardest parts about being a Mother is not comparing yourself to other Mother's. It's near impossible, we are all guilty of it at one time or another. I do it all the freaking time and I NEED to STOP!!! My children are happy and healthy. Every day is not perfect in my house by any means. My floors get dirty. I have piles of laundry that never seem to end. I find food in random places. There are toys spread across my house; little trails of where my children have been...I get frustrated at myself on a regular basis for not being able to "keep up" with everything that I have to do. Lately, I have been thinking to myself where did I get this idea that everything needs to be in order and perfect? Who am I trying to impress?

I have no idea. Everyone, myself...

I think it's social medias fault because you have "insight" into other peoples lives in a way we never did before. For instance; I'll see a picture of a friend and her house is clean and you think, damn I'm failing. I'll see a picture of a Mother all dressed up with lipstick on taking her kids to the park or the store as I'm drinking my third cup of tea in the same leggings I've had on for two days and I can't even remember the last time I brushed or washed my hair (for days it's been in a messy bun that now looks like a nest). I read these blog posts about how blessed these women feel being at home and their snuggled up next to a fire with their children while they play the banjo and paint and I look over and  here's my kid in time out for the 5th time in the past hour for smacking his brother in the face or screaming at me, and I think where did I go wrong? Then I realize...I haven't. This is a glimpse into these peoples lives it is not the whole picture. If you are a Mother and you say your kid never yells or you never get upset with them you are full of it!! Yes, raising children is one of the most rewarding and magical experiences you can have for sure. You love your children more than you can even explain; it's beyond love. But they can also drive you nuts. You can lose yourself in trying to manage it all. The house, the husband (partner), the job or lack there of, the dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, butt wiping, the screaming, crying, diaper changing, nursing, the napping or lack there of, the constant battle to get ready for bed, sweeping the floor for the 3rd time that day because you don't have a dog that eats all the food off the floor that your child throws. It's exhausting trying to keep up with it all.

I had a panic attack a few weeks ago because I was running myself so thin making sure everything was being taken care of. No more. The house can be messy if that means I have some time to relax and actually enjoy my children. Lochlan is going to be four soon. Lenix is going to be one in less than a month and then they'll be 7 and 10 and not want to snuggle with me as much. I need to enjoy this time with them being children without being frustrated that my house is a mess or I didn't have time to look picture perfect that day.

I, actually, am an amazing Mother. I am. I cook for my children every day, I make sure they drink enough water, I give them hugs, I tell them I love them, I take them to the park when I can, I read to them everyday, I keep them ALIVE!

I am enough.

You are enough too. STOP feeling less than. If you love your kids and let them know you love them and are doing the best you can then you are doing great!!

Investing in Me

Being a Mother is a beyond a full-time job. We are "on-call" 24/7. There are days I don't sit down all day long and there are nights I sleep in 45 minute intervals. I don't think most Dad's really understand how much a Mother does. Even when I'm sitting I'm making breast milk which is using up energy. Most days I have to remind myself to eat and drink enough water and I'm lucky if I can have a moment of peace in the bathroom by myself.

With all that being said I LOVE being a Mom. I really do. It is so hard but nothing compares to the feeling of being able to help nurture and grow your child. When people come up to me and tell me my son Lochlan is so polite because he says "excuse me" I know it's because I raised him to be that way. When people tell me how happy my son Lenix is, I know it's because I give him all of his needs and love him immensely so he has no reason to be a fussy baby. I dedicate everything to my children but I'm starting to realize that it can't be that way everyday. I still need to invest time in myself. I still need to nourish my own needs and desires.

Being a stay-at-home Mom is incredible and I am so lucky and blessed to be able to do it and I take it very seriously but I have to learn to set time aside for myself. I discovered how important this was a few weeks ago when I had a very serious panic attack. I really thought I was having a heart attack and was seconds from going to the hospital. I couldn't breathe, my face and limbs all went numb. I was scared. What was even scarier was that I was home alone with the kids and had no car. I locked us in a room and called my mother-in-law who is a nurse and told her I thought I was having a heart attack. She immediately said, "I think you're having a panic attack. Go to a quiet place and breathe into a bag." Luckily, a friend of mine had just left so I was able to call her and she came back to my house within 15 minutes and my Mother-in-law and Father-in-law showed up within the hour. It took me several hours to calm down and a few days to feel "normal" again. I realized in those moments as I was breathing into a brown bag that I needed to take some time for myself. I try to control and take care of everything all the time. I have to have the house clean, dishes done, laundry done, food made, kids dressed; I worry about my parents, my siblings, my friends; I have to take care of David and all of his needs. I take care of everyone else but me. I am good about eating right but I don't exercise other than some daily stretching and walking to the park, I don't write in my journal anymore. I haven't written on this blog in a very long time. I haven't painted since before I was pregnant with Lenix. It's honestly been years since I have invested in ME.

I decided to make a promise to myself, a commitment to give myself 30 minutes a day for
ME. Whether it means to write, read, paint, walk, exercise, meditate, cook....whatever I WANT to do I do it and I choose to not feel guilty that I'm not accomplishing my daily Mommy/housewife tasks.

Honestly, it's been hard to even give myself 30 minutes. It doesn't seem like much but before I realize it the day is almost over and I've been taking care of everything and everyone else. I am trying to be more mindful though of how I go through out my day and not allow myself to become so stressed out by all the little things that need to get done. It's okay if the house is messy and I choose to lay down and snuggle my children. It's okay if I paint while my son watches a movie and the baby is asleep. It's actually fun to exercise around my son because he always laughs and says, "What are you doing?" and then more often than not he will try it too. It's okay that I can't fix or even always help my friends and family.

I'm not perfect and that's okay.

Quinoa Lettuce Wraps

I posted a picture of this on Instagram the other day and had several people ask me for the recipe so here it is....

Quinoa Lettuce Wraps


1/2 C Quinoa
1 Tbl. Olive Oil
1 C Black Beans
1 C Garbanzo Beans 
1/2 Large Red Bell Pepper - chopped
1/2 Med. Yellow Onion - diced
1/2 C sunflower seeds
1 Avocado - chopped
1 bunch of Cilantro - chopped
1-2 Tbl. Mexican Seasoning 
1 Tbl. water
Salsa (optional)
Sour Cream (optional)
1 Package Butter Head Lettuce

1. Cook Quinoa according to package and set aside

2. Put oil in skillet and set to med-high heat. Add onion and bell pepper and cook until soft (about 5 min.) Add seasoning and water, then toss in garbanzo beans. Cook for additional 3-5 minutes until warm. Turn stove off.

3. In medium size mixing bowl add the cooked quinoa, onion mixture, rinsed black beans, sunflower seeds, and cilantro. Toss until fully mixed together.

4. Pull individual leaves off lettuce and rinse.

5. Serve - fill lettuce wraps to desired amount with quinoa mixture and top with salsa, sour cream, avocado and additional cilantro if desired.


Side Note: I put the leftovers in the fridge and had them the following day as a cold Quinoa salad. It was delicious!!! There are so many variations you can do to this recipe. You could add kidney beans, jalapeno, corn, etc. Have fun with your food. Eat your colors and enjoy!!!

Pregnant and tired

I forgot how tired you get when you are pregnant. I had so many plans this past week for projects I wanted to do around the house; not a single one of them happened. I laid around from one couch to the other. I went from my bed to the floor to the kitchen table to eat and then back to the couch. Sometimes it can be really hard for me to listen to my body and just relax and not worry about the dishes in the sink or the laundry piling up. I have to remind myself that although I am simply lying on my butt my body is busy growing a child and that is an extremely important job to take seriously. I am so blessed that I am able to be home. I do not think I would make it through a day of work. I barely make it to Lochlan’s naptime before passing out.

This is good parenting right here

 I love my two-hour nap in the middle of the day. It is what I look forward to most right now. Luckily for Lochlan there have been a few moments where I had the energy to take him to the library or the park and yesterday we actually went to the pool, which he really enjoyed. Poor kid every morning he comes in my room and says, “Get up Mommy!!” Luckily for me, he loves to color, read books and play with his toys. He is pretty good at entertaining himself, which is such a blessing right now

My symptoms as of now are extreme fatigue and nausea. I have not actually thrown up yet which is a blessing. When I was pregnant with Lochlan I puked every single day the entire 9/10 months I was pregnant. (They say you’re pregnant for 9 months but usually it is more like 10). I feel like being more relaxed this time around has helped my stomach settle. I don’t have the anxiety about what’s to come with this pregnancy. I also have stayed on top of eating small meals and snacking through out the day. Not overeating or waiting to long to eat can mean the difference between keeping down your food or not, at least for me. 

I have become very sensitive to smells. I can’t even be around eggs and I smell maple syrup randomly through out the day. Almost every morning I have woken up and had a whole-wheat waffle with vegan butter and a little jam with a banana and a large glass of water to take my prenatal with. I don’t particularly like eating the same thing for breakfast every day but right now it is enough to feel satiated but not to full and it keeps my stomach calm so I’ll take it. I know soon enough I’ll be able to eat a wider variety for breakfast. Every other meal I am fine. I can usually eat whatever sounds good to me. I have been doing a lot of vegetable sandwiches, hard cheese and crackers, Thai food is my best friend right now, oh and lots of sautéed Kale. I LOVE kale.

This is how I like to eat it; it’s very simple but delicious. 

Heat olive oil in skillet – mine is cast iron. Then I take two huge handfuls and place them in the skillet. I toss the kale around until it is coated with olive oil. I let sit for about a minute. Then, I pour about one to two tablespoons of water over the kale and cover with a lid. I let that steam for maybe 5 minutes, stirring once. I will take the lid off and decide if I want it softer or not but usually I like it a little al dente. Then I take it out of the skillet put a little sea salt on it and top with pumpkin seeds and eat. It’s so yummy, healthy and easy to do.

What’s one of your go to snacks when pregnant? 

Baby on Board

I found out I was pregnant the other day!!! About 7 weeks ago David and I decided we were going to actively try to conceive a child. I went through one cycle and now I am pregnant. So as most women in my family I am definitely as fertile as I thought I was. 

I feel very blessed that I have been able to do natural family planning and have a child when I want and not have to use birth control. So far, I haven’t had any severe pregnancy symptoms other than fatigue and frequent potty breaks.  I’ve already started needed to pee constantly so I’m slightly scared for what’s to come in the coming months when my uterus just keeps getting bigger and the baby pushes down on my bladder more and more. I’m pretty sure I’m just going to have to put a catheter in and I’m not even 8 weeks pregnant.

Lochlan is so cute already about the baby. He already likes to say Hi and give my belly kisses. He also likes to say that he has a baby in his belly, which I find adorable.

We are extremely excited to have another child. However, I really am trying to enjoy and take in the next nine months with Lochlan and appreciate the last little bit of time we have together with him just being our only son. David and I have gotten really nostalgic about Lochlan being our first-born. We feel so blessed to have such a wonderful, smart, caring, and creative child as our first. He definitely raised the bar for all of our children to come; I’m sure he will be a great brother.

I had my last day of work this past Friday, which was already planned before I found out I was pregnant. It kind of was perfect timing for all of this to happen. I’m lucky that I get to come home and take care of my family.

I am planning on posting my symptoms, thoughts, feelings, research and my meals. So hopefully all my family, friends and those of you I don’t know can find some joy, inspiration or information from my experience.

When I found out I was pregnant with Lochlan I had so much fear and anticipation around that pregnancy and birth because I did not know what to expect. I am definitely more relaxed this pregnancy and feel better prepared for all of what is to come. But even though I’ve been pregnant before and gave birth this is still a new experience and a different baby. I feel like I need to reread everything and educate myself again to ensure that I am doing everything as I’m supposed to.

I am also working on letting go of my fear of the possibility of having another breech baby and the pain of that labor. I am so blessed that I was able to deliver my son at home and have a natural birth and that everything came out right. But, it was definitely painful and my body remembers it so I’m going to do a lot of meditation, relaxation and visualization on having a head down and a calm, peaceful birth; definitely nothing as exciting as the last one was.

I am looking forward to sharing my experience. Here’s to the next nine to ten months of pregnant bliss!!

Life your life

Live your life to the fullest - I know everyone has heard this expression a lot but seriously you just never know what can happen. Say I love you to those you care about and don't let negativity infect your life. It's not worth it. Respect that no one is perfect and enjoy the mishaps along the way. We get so caught up in all the drama and what we don't have that we truly miss out and waste so much energy and time. In honor of my dear friend who has passed so unexpectedly I am going to enjoy all the moments and not worry about the next; plan for the future but not get bogged down with the details, and enjoy and cherish my family and friends.

A Mother, a friend, a wife has passed

My dear friend Michelle Platt-Brown passed away yesterday. She was a devoted Mother to 5 beautiful children, a loving wife to Danny Brown and a Las Vegas native. She passed away with no notice. Her husband had gone to bed and woke up around 4am to find her on the floor unresponsive. After trying to revive her himself he rushed her to the hospital where they confirmed she had passed. Danny now has 5 small children to take care of (ages 10-1). He is going to need lots of support and love from the community. I have set up a PayPal account to accept donations to give to him and his family in this time of need. Anything that you can provide will be appreciate. As of right now we are unsure of the reasons behind her passing. All we know is she was taken to soon. My heart goes out to her family and especially all those babies that now have to grow up without the love of their Mother. Thank you to all everyone that has offered to support money, time, food, prayers and more. I am so thankful that we have such a strong community of women that will group together and help each other out. It is truly amazing and special. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I know Michelle will have more peace knowing her children will be taken care of and that the community she grew up in and loved is behind her.

Rest in Peace my dear friend

We will watch over your family; I know you would have done the same for me.

I have a link to the PayPal account on the right corner of the main page for donations.